"3:30 to 6" is the new "9 to 5"

When we last met our hero, his dignity and general psyche were left in tatters following anunfortunate incident involving self-defecation. But much can change within the course of a month, and though it is too early to say for certain, I believe that the earliest green sprouts of renewal may be sprouting out of the fertilizer streaked across my boxers.

Soon after that humbling day, I was hired (not through any merits of my own but through nepotism of the purest form) as a coach at a private school in Brooklyn. I've never been one to take any particular pride in titles, but just so we're clear: I am as of the 10th of April no longer a miserable layabout. I am, rather, the "Head Assistant Women's Varsity Softball Coach of the Packer Collegiate Institute." For simplicity's sake, I will forgo my right to re-name this blog accordingly, but I hope that the misleading nature of the title is dually noted.

Now to the point, which is brief and not in the least bit innovative. The commitments required by this new stead consist of showing up at a field for 2-3 hours a day, four days a week, excluding days of inclimate weather. All in all, a modest workload, even by my admittedly modest standards. However, the positive change in my self-worth brought about by such a meager undertaking has been nothing short of drastic. Organized around this brief period of obligation, my days have become more fruitful, my activities more useful, my sense of purpose more clearly defined and my appreciation for leisure sharper. In short, this 10 hour work week has satisfied all the intrinsic psychological benefits of labor without inflicting any of the psychological damage.

Meaning what? Meaning simply: my previous belief that I must find full time employment lest I go stark raving mad from boredom was completely misguided.... it was a bullshit conclusion that I'd convinced myself of based on a totally irresponsible study of myself paired with the naive views of those around me. I was comparing constant labor with NO labor whatsoever, which is like weighing the benefits of a dictatorship against those of anarchy without ever bothering to visit a democracy. The study was RIGGED from the start!

The unfortunate side to all this is of course that I have only accounted for one side of the work paradigm with this conclusion. The other side, the financial one, is infinitely more daunting, and solving it will no doubt take a combination of great resolve and even greater luck.

Still, I am gratified to pronounce with supreme confidence that psychologically, democracy is CLEARLY superior to the alternatives.